I had an in-person work team meeting last week. In the office, they had Bevi seltzer machines. When Bevi machines first arrived at Facebook, where I used to work, I looked down on them. They seemed to be a cost reduction, a sad imitation of The Good Stuff that came in cans and bottles in the fridge. Good Stuff such as LaCroix1 and Ito En tea2.
But this week was different. I noticed that this Bevi had a caffeine option3. After some experimentation, I decided that for the week, I would drink unflavored, chilled, sparkling, caffeinated water instead of coffee. And it was great. Basically none of the coffee side effects.
For several days straight I thoroughly enjoyed a 100-120mg caffeine sparkling water.
But all good things must come to an end. You cannot (yet?) buy a Bevi machine for home. So I am unfortunately now searching for alternatives.
I took a stroll through our local Star Market in search of a replacement. I looked online, too, since we have a weird selection of beverages at that market. I ended up with an assortment of brightly colored cans. Time to do a taste test.
In order to swap out coffee for something else, I have the following criteria:
We’ll judge based on those.
UPDATE Energy Drink: Peach. 12 fl oz. Unclear how much caffeine.
Right out of the can, there is a horrific fake sugar taste. It’s revolting. I guess I missed sucralose in the ingredients when I picked it up. Still disgusting after the second sip and it lingers in the mouth. No thanks.
ZOA Energy Drink: Lemon Lime. 12 fl oz. 160 mg caffeine.
Ever so slightly more pleasant coming out of the can but there is still a chemical sweetness to it. Also missed the sucralose. Gross. No thanks.
SPARKLING ICE CAFFEINE: Citrus Twist. 16 fl oz. 70 mg caffeine.
This time I checked before opening. It has sucralose. Ugh. I guess I was filtering for Stevia at the store. Here goes nothing… ew, absolutely not.
Liquid Death Sparkling Energy: Murder Mystery. 12 fl oz. 100 mg caffeine.
Damn. Sucralose again. Ew. Cherry. Gone.
hi ball energy: grapefruit. 16 fl oz. 160 mg caffeine.
Okay, this is one of the ones I found on the internet first after searching instead of one of the random market finds. It thankfully has no recognizable artificial sweeteners in the ingredient list. I tend to like grapefruit things. Here goes nothing.
It basically tastes like grapefruit LaCroix, which is a win. No sweetener detected. Good news. I like this one by and away the best. Unfortunately, it is expensive, coming in at $3/can.
I intended to do the taste test over a couple of days to avoid over-caffeination, but that was not necessary because most of them were just vile.
I also came across Water Joe in my search. Seems there was a man in Wisconsin with similar goals. I want to acquire and sample.
Should I caffeinate my own beverages with liquid caffeine? Seems both less convenient and more hazardous.
Thankfully this is all just because I like the feeling of being caffeinated and not because I am dependent. I will accidentally go several days without drinking something caffeinated and not really notice. I would like to stay that way, so I am avoiding methods that could spike my caffeine intake and accidentally make me dependent.
Please let me know if you have any recommendations…
For a time, I was the “LaCroix oncall”. You could page the oncall rotation and ask what flavor you should drink. I also deputized myself to investigate the occasional LaCroix-related shortage and post internally about it. ↩
There was a period where I was drinking several liters of cold jasmine tea per day. I stopped when I learned that this could do unexpected things to your liver. ↩
Did Bevi have caffeine when I worked at Facebook? Seems like no, they only got it in 2022, and I was Not In The Office that year before I left for grad school. ↩